So, you married a veterinarian…
Veterinarians usually don’t work a 9-to-5 job, and the unique demands of their career may sometimes interfere with home life. Not to mention, your spouse may come home talking about weird things like abscesses and parasites.
Here are some things to consider when it comes to understanding and supporting your partner…
1. Veterinary Medicine Tends to Attract Empathetic, Caring Individuals
For a job that pays less than their human medicine counterparts, along with long hours and other demands of a vet’s day, it’s safe to say that veterinarians are definitely not in it for the money.
Instead, clinical practice veterinarians typically choose their career because they love animals and want to help them. These caring individuals have big hearts and give a lot of themselves in the process of caring for their patients.
Maybe these are some of your favorite qualities about your partner.
2. But, All That Caring Can Take a Toll…
Because veterinarians care so much about their patients, it’s easy for them to experience an emotional roller coaster each workday, as some patients have happy visits while others may be severely ill or euthanized.
This can lead to compassion fatigue, where a person begins to feel burnt out and drained due to the emotional impact of their work. Compassion fatigue, along with many other factors unique to working in veterinary medicine, contributes to the fact that veterinarians have a higher suicide rate than many other professions.
While this can be scary, awareness goes a long way toward supporting your spouse.
You can help them by lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on when they need it after a tough day, by helping them find a psychological professional to talk to, or by referring them to a helpful resource such as NOMV (Not One More Vet) or Vets4Vets.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255, or text “Home” to 741741) is also a life-saving resource.
3. Many of Veterinarians are Introverts
While there are also extroverted vets, being an introvert is a common trait when it comes to veterinarians.
And yet, a veterinarian’s job involves a lot of interaction with people—both coworkers and lots of clients during a busy day.
For this reason, your partner might not always be up for social events after work. They may need time alone to rest and recharge.
If this sounds like your spouse, remember that they aren’t avoiding people to be difficult or limit your social life. Instead, they may just need to “refuel” before they’re ready to be social.
4. Vets Often Work Long or Irregular Hours
This can create logistical challenges for tasks such as picking up the kids from school.
And a vet may be reluctant to make plans for right after work, in case they need to stay late.
If your job is more flexible, this problem may be hard to relate to. But open discussions can help both of you know what to expect and plan accordingly.
5. A Vet’s Job is Physically Demanding
Animal patients may be nervous, energetic, aggressive, or wiggly. They don’t hold still for their examinations the way human patients do.
Your partner probably spends a large portion of the day crawling on their hands and knees to palpate a dog on the floor, hunching over to get a better look at a skin mass, or even lifting and restraining a patient on the x-ray table if extra hands are needed for the task.
Plus, vets are on their feet all day.
So, don’t be surprised if your partner comes home and collapses onto the couch. Helping them with the little things (like laundry and cooking) can go a long way toward letting them recharge.
6. Veterinarians Are Used to Talking about Gross Stuff
Gross stuff—such as anal glands or draining pus from an abscess—are a normal part of the day for vets. As such, it’s something they’ve grown very comfortable seeing and talking about.
If your partner brings these things up at dinner and makes you gag while you’re eating, they’re not trying to be insensitive.
They’re just so acclimated to these things that they might not realize how it affects others to hear about them. A polite reminder is all that’s needed if it bothers you.
7. Lots of People Ask Veterinarians Questions Outside of Work
In addition to being introverted, there’s one more big reason why vets might want to avoid social situations…
That is, they often don’t get to enjoy themselves because people ask them all sorts of questions about their pets, or tell them sad stories (such as the time they had their pet euthanized), once they find out that person is a vet.
While veterinarians can be passionate about what they do, they still need a break sometimes. It’s not healthy for anyone to take their work home with them to this extent.
You can help your spouse by establishing boundaries with well-meaning friends and family members, being understanding if your partner doesn’t feel like going out, or at least rescuing them if you see someone’s got them cornered at a party.
8. Many Vets Graduate with Significant Student Loan Debt
Since finances are the most common cause of divorce, it’s important to confront all financial issues head-on—and student loans are a part of that.
Being open and honest with each other, exploring options for repayment, and talking to a qualified financial professional can all help make student loans more manageable and less stressful.
These steps will help you feel like a team as you tackle your financial future.
Supporting Each Other
While veterinary medicine carries its own unique stressors, it’s important for YOU to feel supported in your job and relationship, too.
Open and compassionate communication can help both of you establish what you need from each other and maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Talking to a counselor or other professional can also help with big issues or stressful times.
Having each other’s backs will ensure you work together toward your goals and have a lot of fun along the way.
Written by: Dr. Tammy Powell, DVM
